In which I do some emotional handwringing about wedding rings. Sorry, kinda long, kinda fluffy.
So Nate and I went to a local jeweler, not really shopping seriously, but just to look around, and oh my god. I'm in so much trouble.
I seriously fell in love with 2/3ds of the stuff in that store. , but in short: the customer service was amazing, the metals and stones for custom jobs were ethically sourced, and the work was gorgeous.
Among the things I tried on was a five-stone sapphire ring that I loved. It was in white gold, all of the stones were the same size, but the center stone was a beautiful dark blue, the two stones on either side were lighter, and the two outermost stones were very light, like sky-blue. The color transitions were beautiful and the stones were cut like round-cut diamonds (extra facets and such) so they were extremely sparkly. It was gorgeous. I loved it. It was a top contender for a wedding ring.
Then the unthinkable happened.
George, the owner, casually mentioned that he could do the same ring with ethically sourced blue diamonds. He did some math, took into account that the diamonds would be less expensive because the darker ones are cheaper (and I like the darker teal ones, so hey), and gave me a price. It was about twice as expensive as the sapphire ring, but still affordable (pardon me while I take this parenthetical statement to acknowledge the blessing of good employment during the recession). I told him flat-out I wouldn't be comfortable agreeing to make such an expensive purchase in ten minutes, and he absolutely understood, so we left with the intention of sleeping on it.
And now, two weeks later, I'm not sure what to do. I'm very luck to be able to afford either ring, but I have some concerns about the diamond one:
Cons: It's a full custom job. I wouldn't see the ring until it was done. If I hated it, I wouldn't have to buy it, but I would have put down a deposit and paid a custom fee, so I'd be out a good chunk of the ring's total cost.
Pros: On the other hand, part of the custom process means a full digital workup of the ring on the computer, with lots of access to George and communication about what I loved or hated before he even started working on it. He'd also order a few batches of stones and I'd get to pick the colors I liked. The odds are really good that I'd like what I ended up with, it's just not quite the same as being able to look at something, see it on my hand, and say "This is it!"
Con: I'm having conflicted feelings about the whole diamonds thing. I mean, George was really transparent about where he got his stones and metals, to the point of dropping names of suppliers and suggesting I Google them, so I'm not worried that his diamonds are unethically sourced. I'm more concerned that just by buying a ring with diamonds on it, I'll be buying into an industry that I don't care for--one that's all about status. I guess I'm also worried that folks will judge me for having a ring with diamonds on it, especially one with blue diamonds because they can be so much more expensive than other colors or white diamonds (although in my case, they would actually be cheaper than white diamonds because of the colors I like). I don't want to have to justify my wedding ring to everyone every time someone talks about blood diamonds or De Beers.
I think I'm also worried that people will think I'm a hypocrite, because I've been a pretty public advocate of non-diamond rings in the past--not that I hated on anyone for wearing diamonds, I encouraged my fiance and other folks to look past the huge diamond solitaire stereotype when shopping for engagement rings.
Pro: Diamonds really do last pretty much forever. Sapphires are a good 15-year stone, perhaps less with hard use, and I'm certain a diamond ring would hold up to all the abuse I put my hands through fencing. I like the symbolism of sapphires (trust, truth, fidelity, divine authority), but I'll be super sad if the ring I planned to wear for the rest of my life needs to be replaced ten years in!
Also, I really don't want to make decisions about what I wear based on what I think other people might think of me. I have a lot of self-consciousness and self-doubt going on throughout the wedding planning process, and the ring stuff is something I'm focusing on right now. I'm not sure if my concerns about not liking the ring once it's made are stronger or weaker than the concerns that I'll be judged for having a ring with diamonds on it at all, and fear of judgment is a shitty reason to change my behavior, period.
Okay, if you made it through this treatise you get a cookie!
So Nate and I went to a local jeweler, not really shopping seriously, but just to look around, and oh my god. I'm in so much trouble.
I seriously fell in love with 2/3ds of the stuff in that store. , but in short: the customer service was amazing, the metals and stones for custom jobs were ethically sourced, and the work was gorgeous.
Among the things I tried on was a five-stone sapphire ring that I loved. It was in white gold, all of the stones were the same size, but the center stone was a beautiful dark blue, the two stones on either side were lighter, and the two outermost stones were very light, like sky-blue. The color transitions were beautiful and the stones were cut like round-cut diamonds (extra facets and such) so they were extremely sparkly. It was gorgeous. I loved it. It was a top contender for a wedding ring.
Then the unthinkable happened.
George, the owner, casually mentioned that he could do the same ring with ethically sourced blue diamonds. He did some math, took into account that the diamonds would be less expensive because the darker ones are cheaper (and I like the darker teal ones, so hey), and gave me a price. It was about twice as expensive as the sapphire ring, but still affordable (pardon me while I take this parenthetical statement to acknowledge the blessing of good employment during the recession). I told him flat-out I wouldn't be comfortable agreeing to make such an expensive purchase in ten minutes, and he absolutely understood, so we left with the intention of sleeping on it.
And now, two weeks later, I'm not sure what to do. I'm very luck to be able to afford either ring, but I have some concerns about the diamond one:
Cons: It's a full custom job. I wouldn't see the ring until it was done. If I hated it, I wouldn't have to buy it, but I would have put down a deposit and paid a custom fee, so I'd be out a good chunk of the ring's total cost.
Pros: On the other hand, part of the custom process means a full digital workup of the ring on the computer, with lots of access to George and communication about what I loved or hated before he even started working on it. He'd also order a few batches of stones and I'd get to pick the colors I liked. The odds are really good that I'd like what I ended up with, it's just not quite the same as being able to look at something, see it on my hand, and say "This is it!"
Con: I'm having conflicted feelings about the whole diamonds thing. I mean, George was really transparent about where he got his stones and metals, to the point of dropping names of suppliers and suggesting I Google them, so I'm not worried that his diamonds are unethically sourced. I'm more concerned that just by buying a ring with diamonds on it, I'll be buying into an industry that I don't care for--one that's all about status. I guess I'm also worried that folks will judge me for having a ring with diamonds on it, especially one with blue diamonds because they can be so much more expensive than other colors or white diamonds (although in my case, they would actually be cheaper than white diamonds because of the colors I like). I don't want to have to justify my wedding ring to everyone every time someone talks about blood diamonds or De Beers.
I think I'm also worried that people will think I'm a hypocrite, because I've been a pretty public advocate of non-diamond rings in the past--not that I hated on anyone for wearing diamonds, I encouraged my fiance and other folks to look past the huge diamond solitaire stereotype when shopping for engagement rings.
Pro: Diamonds really do last pretty much forever. Sapphires are a good 15-year stone, perhaps less with hard use, and I'm certain a diamond ring would hold up to all the abuse I put my hands through fencing. I like the symbolism of sapphires (trust, truth, fidelity, divine authority), but I'll be super sad if the ring I planned to wear for the rest of my life needs to be replaced ten years in!
Also, I really don't want to make decisions about what I wear based on what I think other people might think of me. I have a lot of self-consciousness and self-doubt going on throughout the wedding planning process, and the ring stuff is something I'm focusing on right now. I'm not sure if my concerns about not liking the ring once it's made are stronger or weaker than the concerns that I'll be judged for having a ring with diamonds on it at all, and fear of judgment is a shitty reason to change my behavior, period.
Okay, if you made it through this treatise you get a cookie!
Lay it on me--what are your thoughts?
Just a word on the comment "Diamonds really do last pretty much forever." Despite my LOVE for my engagement ring, I hate that I have to be selective on when I wear it for fear of breaking a stones (emeralds). Had I known this, I may have made a different choice when discussing the ring.
ReplyDeleteIt sucks to have to choose appropriate times to wear the ring or to have to worry about having to replace the in the future.
If you are okay with -yourself- buying into ethically sourced diamonds, even if the industry at large is suspect, then I'd say you likely have your answer.
ReplyDeleteOr, you could forget all external pressures either way and do what you want. Heck, Jean and I have gold Claddaghs with small diamonds in the hearts. Mine is bigger, simply because the ring itself is larger and didn't look right with a smaller diamond, and they couldn't fit a larger one into Jean's ring.... but the diamond was just an afterthought brought on by my own perception of modern societal pressures to make our Claddaghs "proper" wedding rings. If I had it to do over, I'd have left out the diamonds and likely just gone for a custom designed Claddagh to make it more special for us.
That said, my ring has lasted a -solid- 15 years of brutal punishment. I never remove it, even when fighting heavies or rapier... or when doing any kind of work with my hands, be it automotive, carpentry, or yard work.
There ya go, my two shillings worth for ya.